Holding Space For Tricky Back To School Transitions
Navigating the intricacies of settling back into school can be a daunting task for both parents and children, especially as they embark on the significant milestone of starting kindergarten. The transition to school or back to school is laden with emotions, encompassing everything from excitement to anxiety. By holding space for these experiences, we can foster resilience and confidence in our young learners, ensuring their school journey begins feeling held and heard. This blog post is based on a interview with Clinical Psychologist, Andrew Orenstein from Redstone Psychology.
Understanding Transitions
The transition back to school marks a significant time each year for a child. While it presents with many challenges it also presents with opportunities for growth. Change is difficult for adults and children alike. This section explores the complexities of this transition and how to support your child during this period.
Children may experience a range of emotions, from excitement to anxiety, as they adjust to new routines, environments, and social dynamics. Parents, too, may feel a mix of pride and apprehension as they watch their child navigate the new school year.
The transition process involves adapting to new schedules, learning classroom rules, and developing social skills. It's crucial for parents and educators to work together to create a supportive environment that eases this transition and sets the foundation for a positive school experience.
Practical Parenting Advice
It is important to creating a nurturing environment that promotes healthy attachment and exploration. While your child settles in, the need for consistency, predictability, and emotional support is crucial.
Understanding developmental milestones helps parents and educators set realistic expectations and provide appropriate challenges. Parents will find success in leaning into strategies that help managing separation anxiety, build resilience, and foster positive social interactions during each new school year.
Strategies for Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a common challenge during the kindergarten transition and may persist into higher grades. It's important for parents to approach this with patience and understanding.
One effective strategy is to establish a consistent goodbye routine. This might include a special handshake, a comforting phrase, or a "cheek, cheek, middle," (a kiss on each cheek and one on the lips. Consistency helps children feel secure in knowing what to expect.
Gradual exposure to separation can also be helpful. Start with short periods apart and gradually increase the duration. This allows children to build confidence in their ability to manage without their parents.
It's really important to remain calm and positive during drop-offs, even if your child becomes upset. Children often pick up on parental anxiety, which can exacerbate their own feelings of unease.
Creating Emotional Support Systems
Building a strong emotional support system is vital for children transitioning back to school. This involves creating a network of caring adults and peers who can provide comfort and encouragement.
Parents can start by fostering connections with teachers and other school staff. Attend school events, communicate regularly with teachers, and show enthusiasm about school activities to help your child feel positive about their new environment.
Encourage friendships by arranging playdates with classmates or participating in school social events. Having familiar r faces in the classroom can significantly ease the transition process and the ability to settle in.
At home, maintain open communication about school experiences. Create a safe space for your child to express their feelings and concerns, offering reassurance. In the end this may be the only thing you can do for your child but out of everything you can be doing, this is the most powerful. Sit with them when they express these big feeling, don't give in to the desire to "fix it". Your child, more than anything needs to be heard. Brainstorming ideas on how to help can be talked about later. If you skip over the listening part and don't lean into empathetic listening, the feelings will likely escalate. Try these few things to ace your role:
Wait for the right moment. Your child may not want to open up right away, resist questions and just hold them. Pillow chats tend to be successful, wait till they are in bed and climb in, ask them if there's anything they'd like to talk about and remind them that you are there to listen whenever they need. You might think about telling them a little story from your school days or maybe a little story from work where something went a little wrong. It my not be the first night they open up but they will feel comfort in knowing the invitation is there each night.
Get on their level if possible
Nod empathetically
Use soft understanding eyes
If they like to be touched, gently hold their hand
Repeat back to them what they have said, in a gentle understanding voice, when there is a pause in the conversation, e.g. "Fergus pushed you out the way". You may also add, "that really hurt you".
Tell your child a story from your childhood where you had a similar experience, this will help them understand they are not alone.
Symbolism and Sentimental Techniques
Symbolic and sentimental techniques can provide comfort and connection during the the back to school transition. These methods tap into a child's emotional needs and can create a sense of security.
One popular technique is the "kissing hand," inspired by the children's book of the same name. Parents can kiss their child's palm before saying goodbye, allowing the child to "hold" the kiss throughout the day.
Another approach is to give the child a small object, like a special stone or a family photo, to keep in their pocket. This serves as a tangible reminder of home and parental love during the school day.
Creating a personalised ritual, such as sharing a special phrase or handshake before parting, can also provide comfort and consistency. These rituals become anchors of security in the new and sometimes overwhelming school environment.
Building Strong Attachments
Fostering strong attachments is crucial during the back to school transition. This section explores strategies for encouraging positive teacher-student relationships, addressing bullying concerns, and emphasising the importance of effective communication.
Encouraging Teacher-Student Bonds
Building a strong bond between teachers and students is fundamental to a successful school experience. This relationship provides a secure base for children to explore and learn in their new environment.
Parents can support this bond by speaking positively about the teacher at home and showing respect for their role. Encourage your child to share positive experiences they've had with their teacher.
If possible, at drop off say "hi" to your child's teacher, shoot them a quick email to ask them some things about themselves that will help your child become more familiar with them. Things like, their favourite sporting team or singer, the ages of their own children, their favourite subject etc. This can reduce anxiety and create a sense of familiarity in the first weeks of school.
Remember that building relationships takes time. Be patient and supportive as your child navigates this new connection.
Dealing with Bullying and Friendships
Concerns about bullying and friendship dynamics are common among parents. It's important to equip children with skills to navigate social situations and build positive relationships.
Teach your child about kindness and empathy through role-playing exercises and discussions about feelings. Encourage them to include others and stand up for themselves and their peers.
If bullying occurs, listen to your child without judgment and involve school staff in addressing the issue if necessary. Remember that not all conflicts constitute bullying, and learning to navigate disagreements is an important social skill.
Foster friendships by arranging playdates and encouraging participation in school activities. Help your child understand that it's okay to have different friends for different activities.
The Importance of Listening and Communication
Effective communication and active listening are crucial skills for both parents and children during childhood, especially for the moments that we aren't around. These skills foster understanding, trust, and emotional well-being.
Create daily opportunities for open dialogue with your child about their school experiences. Ask open-ended questions and give them your full attention when they're speaking.
Practice active listening by reflecting back what you've heard and validating their feelings. This helps children feel understood and valued.
Encourage your child to express themselves to teachers and peers as well. Role-play different scenarios by adding a "problem" into their play, to help them practice clear communication in various situations. Pause TV shows to ask them what they might do in that situation.
Supporting Emotional Development
Emotional development is a critical aspect of the back to school transition. This section focuses on strategies for managing big feelings, building resilience, and recognising important behavioural and emotional changes in children.
Managing Big Feelings in Children
Heading back to school can bring about a range of intense emotions in children as they navigate new experiences and challenges. It's crucial to help them understand and manage these feelings effectively.
Start by helping your child identify and name their emotions. Use books, pictures, or play to explore different feelings and their expressions. This emotional literacy forms the foundation for self-regulation.
Teach coping strategies such as deep breathing, counting to ten, thinking about a really funny moment when emotions become overwhelming. Practice these techniques together during calm moments so they're easier to implement in stressful situations.
Validate your child's feelings while setting appropriate boundaries for behaviour. For example, "It's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to hit." This approach acknowledges emotions while teaching appropriate ways to express them.
Building Resilience Through Challenges
Resilience is a key skill that helps children navigate the ups and downs of their school journey and beyond. It involves the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt to new situations.
Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort and perseverance rather than innate abilities. Use phrases like "You worked really hard on that!" instead of "You're so smart!"
Allow your child to experience age-appropriate challenges and resist the urge to solve all their problems. Guide them through problem-solving steps, encouraging them to come up with their own solutions.
Share stories of your own challenges and how you overcame them. This helps children understand that setbacks are a normal part of life and can be overcome with persistence and effort.
Recognising Behavioural and Emotional Changes
As children adjust to their new school year, it's common to see changes in behaviour and emotional responses. Being able to recognise these changes can help parents provide appropriate support.
Watch for signs of stress such as changes in sleep patterns, appetite, or mood. Some regression in behaviour, like increased clinginess or sensory seeking, can be normal during this transition.
Pay attention to how your child talks about school. Sudden reluctance to attend or frequent complaints about classmates or teachers may indicate underlying issues that need addressing.
Remember that every child adjusts differently. While some may settle quickly, others may take weeks or months to fully adapt. If you're concerned about persistent changes, don't hesitate to consult with the teacher or a child development professional.
Celebrating Growth and Achievements
Acknowledging and celebrating your child's growth and achievements during the back to school transition is crucial for building confidence and motivation. This section explores effective ways to praise effort, develop meaningful family rituals, and balance academic expectations with personal development.
Praising Effort Over Results
Focusing on effort rather than outcomes helps foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to embrace challenges and persist through difficulties.
When praising your child, highlight specific actions or strategies they used. For example, "I noticed how you kept trying different ways to solve that puzzle. That kind of persistence really pays off!"
Avoid comparisons with other children or siblings. Instead, encourage your child to compete with their own previous efforts. This promotes self-improvement rather than unhealthy competition, "Did you notice that this time you tried that, it was easier than last time?".
Remember to praise effort even when the outcome isn't perfect. This helps children understand that learning and growth are ongoing processes, not just end results.
Developing Family Rituals and Traditions
Creating family rituals and traditions around school can provide a sense of stability and excitement during the kindergarten transition.
Consider implementing a special "first day of school" tradition, such as a celebratory breakfast or a photo in the same spot each year. These rituals create lasting memories and mark important milestones.
Establish regular family check-ins about school experiences. This could be a weekly dinner where everyone shares their "rose" (best part) and "thorn" (challenge) from the week.
Create traditions that bridge home and school life, such as reading a chapter book together that relates to something your child is learning in class. This reinforces learning and creates special family moments.
Balancing Academia with Personal Development
While academic skills are important, it's crucial to remember that school is also about social-emotional growth and developing a love for learning.
Encourage exploration of various interests beyond academics. This might include sports, arts, or nature activities. These experiences contribute to well-rounded development and can boost confidence in school.
Focus on developing essential life skills alongside academic ones. This includes fostering independence, teaching problem-solving, and encouraging curiosity and creativity.
Remember that play is a crucial part of learning at this age. Ensure your child has ample time for unstructured play, which supports cognitive, social, and emotional development.